


Bipolar

by NotMarie



Series: Mental Series [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slight meanie and Verkwan, Soonhoon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-08-18 21:45:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8177129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotMarie/pseuds/NotMarie
Summary: Wherein Jihoon is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and his Psychiatrist, Kwon Soonyoung, is just plain crazy.
 
Trigger warning: mentions of self-harm.





	1. Diagnosed

His friends noticed it.

They noticed how Jihoon sobs in the middle of a sad movie, or how he bursts into a series of hysterical laughter while watching a not-so-funny movie. 

They noticed how he is all calm and clingy but becomes irritable and sassy real quick. 

They saw it.

They saw how he shouts at his coworkers in the middle of a phone call, or how he aggressively swats his co-producer's hand everytime he touches Jihoon's keyboard in attempt to change something.

They saw how the Jihoon they knew slowly drifted away from them.

 

His friends saw it, noticed it. They saw it, but Jihoon felt it.

He felt the urge to laugh at a word a lame character says in the middle of a film, or the urge to cry when one of the secondary character bids goodbye.

He felt the urge to hug his friends, but he'd get hot-headed for no apparent reason.

In the middle of a composing session with his co-producer, he felt the urge to hurt someone, but tried to contain it.

He felt confused and scared. He is scared that at one point, he wouldn't be able to control his violent tendencies. He was afraid he'd start hurting them.

He was afraid, so he separated himself.

He thought it would be better that way.

But he started hurting his self.

 

Jihoon still came to movie nights, but only twice a month, or whenever he felt like it.

It was until his friend, Seungkwan, slapped some sense into him.

"You can't just come to us, and leave us whenever you want! We're not toys, Jihoon. We're friends!"

"You don't understand!"

"Then make us! Tell us what we did to make you slip away, or if we said words that hurt you. Please tell us, make us understand. Please. . ." And Seungkwan bursts into tears as his boyfriend hugs him. Jihoon felt tears run along his face, one after another. He then hugged his friend and asked for apologies. He felt more confused than ever. He apologized to everyone, and left.

That night, he searched the web about all he felt, thinking it was a symptom for some sort of disease. He saw one that matched his behavior, and he made a decision to set an appointment to a psychiatrist the next day.

 

He scanned the room. Walls painted with white paint, a small book shelf behind the chair he was sitting on. In front of him lies a brown table, probably made from some expensive wood. Above it is a plaque of some sorts, with the words Dr Kwon Soonyoung Resident Psychiatrist written on it. His gaze shifted to the man in front of him, wearing a neat lab gown, with the same name embroidered on the pocket at his chest. His glasses rested on top of his nose, his brows furrowed together, his hands holding several pieces of paper. He watched as the man glanced back and forth between the paper he holds and the book that sat on top of the table. Jihoon looked at the man's hands, observed how his flawless hands held the sheets of paper from earlier. His attention was then shifted to how fair the man's skin is. His train of thoughts were interrupted when the man in front of him opened his mouth to speak.

. . . "So, Mister Lee Jihoon. I've checked the tests you did and analyzed the results." Jihoon's heart was beating like crazy. He stared at the eyes of the Psychiatrist, then looked down at the floor, as if he is not ready to hear the results.

"You have bipolar disorder. It's a good thing you came here on your own, it means you acknowledge its existence. It's a good start!" Jihoon couldn't quite comprehend what the doctor said. His mind is filled with thoughts about his online research. His thoughts was then interrupted by the doctor's cheery voice.

"Well, it looks like you'll be stuck with me for another six months, it is only befitting to introduce my self properly." The doctor paused, he slightly loosened the tie under the lab gown, threw a fake cough, and smiled at him. "I am Doctor Kwon Soonyoung, but you can call me Soon."


	2. Progress?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are things starting to get better for our main characters?

" _Let me clarify things here, doc. I have bipolar disorder, right?"_

 

_"Yup."_

 

" _It's bipolar disorder, not borderline personality disorder or whatever disorder?"_

 

Jihoon watched as the doctor looked at his tests once again before he yelped a quick Yes.

 

" _Doc, I thought I had bpd or something, how is bipolar disorder any better - or worse?"_

 

 _"You see, my cute patient, I believe you have bipolar disorder. Unless there's something you've been keeping from me. Is there something you've been keeping from me?"_ Said the doctor, and looked at Jihoon's eyes. Jihoon gulped, gathered himself together, and managed to mutter a No, nothing which was barely audible.

 

" _If that's the case, then we're all clear! Here, buy these medicines, drink them accordingly. Sorry I'll need to leave for now, there's an urgent meeting. Let's meet again next week, shall we? Ask me your questions 'till then."_ The doctor then removed his lab gown, hang it at the nearest coat hanger, completely loosened his tie, removed his glasses, and looked back at his patient.

 

" _Let me escort you outside."_ The doctor said, then smiled. The patient stood up, and the doctor lead the way back to the hospital's lobby. As the patient walked out the door, he heard the doctor call his name. He then looked back to see the doctor. The doctor then handed him his business card.

 

" _Call me soon!"_ The doctor said and playfully winked at Jihoon before he ran back the hospital.

 

At that moment, Jihoon wondered if he made the right decision.

 

\----

 

He then drank the meds as prescribed by the doctor. He then fell asleep easily. But he felt like something's wrong. So the next time he meets the doctor, he slams his small hands unto the expensive table and asks, " _What did you make me drink?"_ The doctor still had his smiley face and welcomed him before telling Jihoon to sit down.

 

" _So, Mister Lee, what is it you're asking me again?"_

" _The medicine, what is it for?_ " Jihoon said as he placed 2 bottles with pills he was suppose to drink.

 

 _"Oh, this one_ ," the doctor said while pointing to the bigger one, " _helps in stabilizing your mood. While the other one,_ " he said while pointing to the other bottle, " _helps lessen your sadness, or whatever extreme emotion, which helps you think clearer."_

 

_"You see, these medicine prescriptions help supply the needed hormones and all to your brain. The sleepiness is a side effect, that's why it should be drank before bed time. Why did you ask?"_

 

" _Liar! Then why am I feeling zoned out and unable to think clearly whenever I drink those, huh?"_

 

" _Is that so? You should've come sooner! I can say two possible reasons, One: Your brain and body is still adjusting to the sudden supply of the necessary hormone, or Two: The dosage is too much, which means we need to adjust it. I believe it's the first choice, but let's not jump to conclusions, shall we?_ "

 

Jihoon calmed down after hearing what the doctor had to say. He doesn't know why, but he actually trusts the doctor. So when the doctor told him to chill, he does as his told. To confirm why he felt like that, the doctor referred him to a neurologist, which goes by the name Dr Hansol, who happens to be Seungkwan's boyfriend (Jihoon was amazed by how small the world is to meet him in this situation), to identify which of the two is the cause of such side effects. After the doctor said the results won't be available 'till next week, they went back to the psychiatrist's room.

 

" _Until the results come out, I suggest we reduce the dosage by half. Is that okay with you?"_

 

" _Like I have a choice. Psh_."

 

" _Haha! You're such a cutie. So, my patient, don't you have any other question?"_

 

" _Woah there. First of all, I'm not cute! I'm really in doubt, are you really a Psychiatrist? You look more like a patient to me."_

 

" _Well, see for yourself, cutie. Anyways, don't you wanna ask me something? Like my address and all."_

 

" _Weird, why would I ask for your address? You're really weird."_

 

" _I was born in Namyangju-_ -" Soonyoung's introduction was cut when a hand was placed over his mouth, which stopped him from talking.

 

" _Shush! I don't wanna hear that. I have questions, though."_ Jihoon removed his hand and asked, " _What is the difference of Bipolar disorder from bpd?"_

 

" _Those two are very different cases, why did you ask?_ "

 

" _Well, I may or may not have searched my behavior online, and my symptoms seemed to match the description for that bpd shit. And I've read that the bpd is somewhat severe. So, tell me the difference. How is that better or worse?_ " Jihoon said seriously while looking at the psychiatrist straight in the eye. The psychiatrist, however, can't stop himself from feeling amused. He succeeded in stopping his laughter, which only came out as a scoff. He fixed the position of his eyeglasses before he talked.

 

" _You're really amusing, my patient. To answer your question, bipolar disorder is when you experience the extreme highs and lows of your emotions. You experience this manic episodes wherein your emotions reach it's peaks. Borderline personality disorder, or bpd, however is triggered or affected by your relationships with other people. They have overlapping symptoms, though. That's why sone are often misdiagnosed. Now, do you think there is a particular trigger to your manic episodes?_ "

Jihoon thought for a while, before he muttered a barely audible _'I can't think of any.'_

 

" _Well, do you think you always have mood swings?_ "

 

" _No, there are times when I think I am mostly normal._ "

 

" _Well, are there times where you think your moodiness is having a break?_ "

 

" _Now that you mentioned that, I think that does happen."_

 

" _Well, do you have those moments wherein you are just so irritated, or angry, too happy, or sometimes extremely violent?_ "

 

Jihoon looked at the ground, scratched his head and replied, " _Yeah, I guess."_

 

" _Well, you already have your answer, my dearest patient."_

 

_"I guess I've asked too many questions. Sorry if being around me seems quite bothersome for you."_

 

" _No, not at all! In fact, these kinds of talks help the patients to understand themselves more. Did I succeed in that aspect, Mister Lee?"_ The doctor said, as he stood up, leaned his face closer to Jihoon's with his elbow supporting his weight as it rested on the table, and smiled.

 

Before Jihoon could think of a respond, the doctor's phone rang. The doctor stood up straightly and reached for the phone in the pocket of his white doctor's coat.

 

" _Oh! Would you look at the time! I guess you should come back next week for your regular consultation. Shall I escort you outside?_ "

 

" _One last question._ "

 

" _What is it, Mister Lee?"_

 

 

 

 

 

" _Am I crazy?_ "

 

 

" _Well, do you wanna know a secret?_ " The doctor said as he looked at his patient. Jihoon gulped before he managed to slightly nod in response. The doctor smirked, and whispered into his ear.

 

 

 

 

 

" _ **We're all a little crazy, my favorite patient. We all are."**_

 

 

 

He then stood up straight, and offered to escort Jihoon outside.

And he did, like how he did during their first meeting. This time, however, he didn't called Jihoon again, nor did he give his calling card along with a lame pun. And this time, Jihoon thought that maybe, just maybe, going to that psychiatrist is not so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. I've been busy because of school TT__TT  
> Ps. Still unedited


	3. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon's getting better, thanks to Doctor Kwon.

Jihoon was working on his composition. It was 2am but he felt like he shouldn't sleep, for he needs to finish the track tonight. Despite drinking his meds, it's side effects seemed to be wearing off, maybe because he got the hang of it, or because the dosage was reduced in half. Either way, he still can't sleep. It was in the middle of adding another layer of beats to this new track for the company when his phone vibrated. Though annoyed, he looked at it anyway. He then saw a notification for three new text messages.

 

[Unregistered Number]  
2:23 AM

Hi Jihoon! The results of the tests for your concern regarding the meds came out. I wish to talk to you about it later this day, would it be alright?

[Unregistered Number]  
2:24 AM

This is your doctor, btw

[Unregistered Number]  
2:26 AM

Reply as soon as you read this. Good Day.

 

Jihoon types a quick reply which tells that he is fine with it, and asks what time afterwards. He almost forgot his schedule for the consultations. Good thing the doctor contacted him. He then saved the number. Within a minute or two, the doctor already replied.

 

[Doctor Kwon]  
2:33 AM

Around 2pm. I'm sorry your schedule was moved, I know it was supposed to be scheduled the day after. I hope you don't mind. I just really need to see you later this day.

 

He doesn't know why, but Jihoon was flustered at the thought of his doctor's urgency to see him. However, it was interrupted when the phone vibrated once again.

 

[Doctor Kwon]  
2:36 AM

To discuss the results, of course.

[Doctor Kwon]  
2:36 AM

Don't misunderstand anything ;)

[Doctor Kwon]  
2:37AM

*:)

 

He doesn't know why, but instead of getting mad, a smile spread across his face. Jihoon find the doctor 's stupidity quite amusing. When he got over it, he decided to pay along and composed a text saying that anytime 's fine, as long as he gets to see him to get everything over with. After tapping the send button, he decided to send the demo and called it a day.

 

\---

 

Jihoon woke up around 10am, but since he can work at home and still get paid, he didn't stood up until it was 12 noon. He grabbed his phone to play some beats to encourage him to do his tasks when he saw that his phone has quite a few notifications. He scanned through the notifs and noticed four personal messages for him. One was from the company, praising him for a job well done for the demo he sent. He read a couple of texts sent by his friend.

 

[Seungkwan]  
10:01 AM

Hey, potato who rarely gets out! You coming to our weekly movie night?

 

[Seungkwan]  
10:05 AM

We're doing a Hugh Jackman Fest.

 

He smiled as he read the texts. 'So they're trying to bribe me with that, huh.' He thought to his self. He then typed a text saying he's fine with it. He then opened the last unseen text message.

 

[Doctor Kwon]  
10:10 AM

I know you really really want to see me today, so you better start moving your lazy bum, cutie. See you later!

 

Instead of getting hotheaded, he felt his cheeks burn up. With shaky hands, he typed, and erased, and typed, until he could come up with an appropriate comeback for his doctor's text.

\-----

[Smol bean <3]  
12:27 AM

You wish. I guess I'm really stuck with you, huh.

 

"I guess you are stuck with me for quite a while, my favorite patient." Soonyoung said with his eyes forming crescents and his lips forming a smile.

\---

  
It was 2:03PM when the doctor heard a soft knock on his counseling room. He opened it and was not surprised when he saw his favorite patient behind the the nurse.

 

"Doctor Kwon, Mister Lee said he had an appointment with you today."

 

"Who is that, Nurse Yoon? I don't remember having an appointment today." The doctor said as a playful smile spread across his face.

 

"Hey! You told me to come here today!" Jihoon stepped in the conversation, and rummaged through his backpack. When he found out what he was looking for, he then held out the phone to the doctor's face. "You see this? You texted me!" Jihoon was mad at the sudden remark of the doctor, while his doctor tries to stop himself from laughing at the adorable person in front of him.

 

"I'm just kidding. Thank you, Jeonghan. You may go back to what you're doing."

 

"Seriously, Kwon. You should really tell the receptionist beforehand. And stop playing with your first patient, you might scare the kid away!!" The nurse playfully smacked the head of the doctor with a newspaper roll and started walking away. Jihoon cringed at the use of the word 'kid' to describe him, but his mind was preoccupied by another question.

 

"Have a seat. We're here to discuss the results of the previous examination regarding the side effects of your meds." The doctor paused to reach for an envelope. He then opened it and handed the papers to his patient.

 

"Wait wait, I'm your first patient?"

 

"First patient as a legal doctor, that is."

 

"Oh. I thought I'm entrusting myself to someone unexperienced-- Wait, you just got your license?"

 

"Yes, Mister Lee. I'm only 23! Don't look at me like that." The doctor said with a hint of playfulness in his voice. Jihoon was shocked with the doctor's age and accomplishments. He was young and he already finished studying. Jihoon was rather impressed, but his train of thoughts we're interrupted by a not-so-deep voice.

 

"Before you admire me, do take a seat." Jihoon then realized that he's been standing at the doorway for quite a few minutes already. Though embarrassed, he managed to divert the doctor's attention by asking about the contents of the papers given to him.

 

"The results, of course. It turns out that those were only because your body is still adjusting to the meds. But I want to appoint you to another neurological check-up with doctor Chwe. Let's see which dosage works better for you."

 

"Oh, so that's why you were all in a hurry, huh." The doctor then nodded and smiled. "Before the neurological tests, how did the current dosage helped you? Any complications?"

 

"Well, I'm getting better with my mood swings. However, my sleeping pattern is back to those days. I can't go to bed at ten in the evening."

 

"So that explains those bags under your eyes," the doctor pointed out. Jihoon felt conscious and unknowingly caressed the area under his eyes, while the doctor continued, " And why you replied at such ungodly hour. Sleep is important, you know?"

 

"Unfair, why doesn't he have bags like these when he also texted me at that late hour." Jihoon unconsciously blurted out.

 

"It's just because I'm handsome, stop admiring me you small bean. I'm trying to be professional here!" The doctor jokingly replied.

 

"Oh, it's time for your appointment with mister Chwe. Shall we?"

 

It was like the last time, Jihoon had underwent the same series of tests. He felt quite comfortable because he knows the doctor. However, the doctor started asking personal questions. He just answered it with a shrug and a glare. After that, he was escorted by another nurse back to the Psychiatrist's office.

 

"Well, you've been doing well since you came here. Keep it up!" The doctor said as he scanned his patient's record. Jihoon wasn't really paying attention, because his mind was still clouded by the personal questions asked by the other doctor who happened to be Seungkwan's boyfriend.

 

"As a reward, let's get something to eat, shall we?" These word were enough to snap him out of those thoughts.

 

"What?" Was all he could say.

 

The next thing he knew, he was standing in front of a restaurant with his crazy psychiatrist.

 

 

There's still a long day ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally getting a grip on how archive works. Here's an update, everyone! Next chapter will be about their 'date' and a glimpse into Jihoon's life.
> 
> -unedited-


	4. Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a busy day for Lee Jihoon.

' _Ristorante de Bella_ ,' Jihoon scanned the words written in the signboard of the restaurant in front if them. It was written in an elegant font, everything about the exterior was so sophisticated, which kinda gave hints on what this restaurant will be like. Remembering he was trying to save up money, he then tried to make his way out of the situation.

_"Uhhmm. . . I remembered I have something to do today, sorry doc. You can eat on your own, right! Bye!"_ But as he was going to face the opposite direction and walk home, a strong pair of hands held his arms and made him face the said person. _"Don't worry, it's my treat. Come on!"_ And Jihoon got dragged in the fancy restaurant.

Just as expected, the restaurant's interior is very classy. So fancy that the exterior design looked almost plain against its interior. In one corner is a grand piano, colored in white and gold. You can see waiters pacing back and forth gracefully in their vests and bow ties. The wine glasses and other glassware didn't look like those mediocre ones. The utensils were made from silver, Jihoon wouldn't be shocked if they were pure silver, if you judge it by looking at this place. A few meters away from the piano, you can see a group of four people, playing a violin, a cello, a guitar, and a clarinet. You can hear them playing classical music. He was fascinated by their adaptations of the classical songs and how they sound a bit modern without destroying its classical elements. He made a mental note to try that style one time in the near future. Every wall was decorated with paintings and curtains, which he thought was made from velvet. This place screams luxury, and somehow he didn't feel like he belonged. He thought his hoodie and jeans would do the trick since he'd only be talking to his doctor, he never expected that he'd ask him out, and that he'd be siting in front his doctor who was already picking out what to eat.

_'Wait, is this a date?'_ Jihoon thought to himself.

" _You can think of this as one, cutie."_ Soonyoung said, smiling at his patient.

" _I said that out loud, didn't I?"_ Jihoon asked, his face red with embarrassment. The doctor let out a small cough and nodded in agreement. Jihoon could only look at the side, with his right hand fanning his face. Soonyoung let out a small giggle, and turned to face the waiter.

_"That's all, thank you. I'll call you when I need something, Chan."_

_"Sure thing, hyung. I'll be right back!"_ The waiter cheerfully said.

Jihoon's brows furrowed in confusion. Soonyoung looked at him, as if asking what's wrong. They were quiet for a couple of minutes, only the sound of the music is heard. Soonyoung let out a deep sigh and asked, _"What's with the face?"_

" _What face?"_ Jihoon asked, brows almost together, upper lip slightly pouted.

_"That! That face you make when you're confuse, or curious, or annoyed. That face."_ And Soonyoung tried his best impersonation of the face.

_"I do not look like that."_

_"Yup. You sure do."_

_"Ugh. This conversation is going nowhere."_

_"So why'd you make that face?"_

_"I was just curious. How'd you know that guy?"_

_"Who? Chan?"_

_"Yeah, that guy."_

_"I just know him, why? You jealous?"_

_"Why would I get jealous?"_

Jihoon bit his lower lip, then crossed his arms. Soonyoung let out a small smile as he pats the top of Jihoon's head.

_"There's nothing to worry about. He's just someone I know."_ And he showed his ever beautiful eye smile, which made Jihoon's heart skip a beat.

_"Here's your steak! Served with extra love and care. Would you like white wine with it, or red wine?"_

_"Oh! Red wine, please."_

_"Same with his. Thanks, Chan!"_

And they ate and chatted the whole time, until they finally decided to call it a day.

 

 

 

  
" _Good bye, Doc! Hope to see you back with your boyfriend again!"_

 

 

 

  
The doctor offered Jihoon a lift, which he kindly rejected, but the doctor was too stubborn to be resisted. Unlike earlier, Jihoon is more okay. The silence which embraced them is not the awkward, tense type of silence, it was a rather comforting one. Time passed so soon, and they reached the apartment in a few. Jihoon got out of a car, mumbled a short thanks, and waved as he watched the car get out of his sight.

It was quite a day.

 

  
_New message!  
[From: Seungkwan]_

_Don't forget! Movie night Thursday w/ d fam_

 

_[From:Seungkwan]_

_We'll pick you up by 6pm. Don't you dare ditch us!_

 

 

_  
I guess I still have another 'date'. Jihoon thought to himself._

 

  
Since it was Thursday, he decided to work at home. The company says it's fine, as long as he gets his work done, so he decided to do it in his makeshift studio, like how he usually does it. Time flew so fast. After he ate his 'lunch' (it was already 4pm), he decided to take a quick nap. He then woke up to the sound of someone obnoxiously singing beside him. He hit the culprit with his pillow and said, " _let me sleep, you douche."_

" _But it's movie night, hyung! Go get your lazy ass out of your bed or you'll miss it! Hurryyyyy~"_ His friend, Seungkwan, said. The younger was trying to peel of the thick comforter from Jihoon's grasp, but Jihoon was too strong. He then decided to sing again. And Jihoon was left with no choice, he sat up, high-fived seungkwan in the face with a pillow. He wasn't able to get back to sleep, though.

  
After the quick pillow fight (and by quick, I mean like less than an hour), Seungkwan finally managed to get Jihoon out of bed, convinced him to take a bath, and get dressed. They are now headed to the house of tonight's movie night host.

The moment their car stopped, Seungkwan ran excitedly to the door of the host's house.

_"Quick, hyung! What if they already started? Gosh you're too slow!"_

Jihoon could only smile, and walked beside his friend as Seungkwan nonchalantly opened the door and barged in just coz he can.

_"Jisoo hyuuung~ we're here~!"_

" _We? Did you bring your boyfriend with you again?"_ Jihoon heard the voice, which does not sound like Jisoo. They heard the response coming from upstairs, so they continued to walk and go upstairs.

" _No. He's not here yet? Have you started?"_ Just as Seungkwan shouted this, they were already at the second floor, making their way to the makeshift movie theater. Seungkwan and Jihoon entered the door and stared at the familiar scenario.

Like the old days, Jisoo was there. Wonwoo, that idiot, is there. Seokmin and his smile is still there, Minghao and Jun are still together, and Seungkwan. Everyone stared at the people by the door, looking at the small guy with welcoming smile on their faces.

_"I told you it will work. Now hand me 20, babe."_ Minghao said after he nudged his lover. Jun handed him 20 bucks, and Minghao smiled triumphantly.

_"I can't believe it. You made a bet on me, again."_ Jihoon said, his hand on his face as he jokingly shook his head as a sign of disappointment.

" _Correction, hyung. We made a bet whether Seungkwan can convince you to come. I said yes, and this boy here,"_ Minghao said as he pointed to his lover, _"said he can't. Guess who's 20 bucks richer? Haha!"_

_"So you made a bet on me and Seungkwan. Geez, thanks for the clarification I feel so much better."_ Jihoon said in the most monotone voice he could. Minghao only winked as a response, and Seungkwan made his way to the couch.

Jihoon almost forgot how it felt like to be happy, and how to enjoy. Good thing he has his friends, and his Psychiatrist to remind him how it feels.

It feels good to be back to the old me. I wish things would stay like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very late update, I've been busy with school and stuff. Sorry for the typos, I haven't proof read it yet. English is not my first language, please don't judge me TT-TT


	5. Episode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoonie is having a 'bad' day.

 

It has been a month since Jihoon started going to his Psychiatrist, and he's doing good.

However, today was different. Since it's almost Christmas season, the company demands new demos for varying artists, and as a lyricist-slash-composer, he barely gets sleep. Today was one of their weekly movie marathons, so as usual, Seungkwan came to pick him up, he came with his boyfriend this time. But it didn't go as well as the last time.

He entered Jihoon's house only to find out that the door isn't locked. His boyfriend waited outside. As soon as he opened the door, he saw Jihoon, drinking his eighth cup of coffee for the day, hair in a mess, and sat in front of the computer in his makeshift studio and living room.

_"Hyung! Movie marathon starts in a few, let's go!"_

_"I can't, sorry. My hands are full at the moment."_

" _Hyung, come on! It's starting!"_ Seungkwan said as he grabbed his hyung's hand and playfully dragged him out of his seat. Jihoon forcefully removed his hand from the younger's grasp and started yelling at him.

_"I said I can't come with you, why are you so much of a nagger, huh?"_

_"Why won't anything go to how I wanted them to be? Why do you keep befriending me? You don't deserve someone like me. Why? Why?"_

Seungkwan felt a tear running down his face, followed by another. His mouth was left agape as he watch Jihoon threw a fit in his living room. Out of nowhere, Jihoon started slamming his fists against the wall. Seungkwan then hugged Jihoon from behind, stopping him from doing further damage to himself, but despite having a small body, Jihoon was strong. Good thing his boyfriend went inside and helped him. Jihoon sat on the floor, hugging his knees as he sobbed uncontrollably. Seungkwan could only hug him and mutter words of assurance, but Jihoon wont stop. He can't stop. From the corner of his eye, he saw his boyfriend calling someone. A few minutes later, a man with very chinky eyes entered the house, his white shirt wet from sweat, as if he ran all the way to Jihoon's home. The man took Jihoon away from his arms and cradled him into his. A few moments later, Jihoon calmed down. He was too tired that after he calmed down, he fell asleep in the man's arms. He fell asleep in Soonyoung's arms.

-

The three people stood outside Jihoon's room. Seungkwan was throwing the _stranger_ a judging look, and giving his boyfriend a confused look.

" _Okay, can somebody explained what happened? And you,"_ Seungkwan said as he stabs the stranger with his pointer finger, " _Who are you?"_

 _"Hansol, is this the love of your life that you've been talking about?"_ Soonyoung said as he wiggled his brows and nudged the neurologist by the side. Hansol could only try to stop the smile spreading across his face, and Seungkwan could only fan himself as he feels his cheeks burn up.

_"T-that's not the issue here! Who are you? How did you know Jihoon and Hansol huh?"_

_"Sorry for the late introduction. I am Kwon Soonyoung. I guess you should ask Jihoon himself who I am, but I am Hansol's coworker. Nice to meet you, Seungkwan. Now if you would excuse me, I need a private talk with Jihoon."_

_"See you at the hospital, bro."_ Hansol said as he offered his hand for a fist bump. Just as Soonyoung were to return the fist bump, Seungkwan stood between them.

_"Wait wait wait! How could you entrust Jihoonie hyung to him?! Look at him. He looks suspicious! Hansol, I can't leave Jihoon hyung in the hands of this stranger!"_

They didn't notice that Jihoon already woke up, and he heard what the younger said and decided to settle things faster. _"Seungkwan, it's alright. We need to talk in private."_

 _"Hyung! Oh my gosh hyung, are you feeling better? Are you hurt?"_ Seungkwan ran to his hyung, hugged him, and inspected every nook of Jihoon's face and hands. In the background, you can hear Hansol mutter the words, You're not supposed to say oh my gos- which was cut off by Soonyoung covering his mouth with his hands.

_"I'm alright, Kwannie. Now, go to the movie marathon. Tell the hyungs I'm sorry, I have lots of things going on here. Sorry."_

_"Are you sure, hyung? Can we trust that guy?"_

Soonyoung went to Jihoon's side and wrapped one arm around the smaller's shoulders. _"He'll be fine, now shoo! Jihoon doesn't want to see love birds here. Shoo shoo~"_ Soonyoung playfully said. Jihoon smiled at the younger, as if telling him he's alright and he's sorry.

 _"Alright, we'll get going. Take care, hyung."_ And they started walking, but just before he stepped out the door, Jihoon called him.

 _"Seungkwan?"_ And the younger turned to see his hyung. _"Let's keep this between us, okay? I don't want the hyungs worrying about me. Okay?"_ The younger nodded as he did the my lips are sealed gesture. Hansol then lead him out of the house.

As soon as they hear the car engine sounds disappear, Jihoon elbowed Soonyoung's ribs, causing the doctor to flinch. He let out a fake whimper as he rubs his hand on his ribs as if attempting to ease the pain.

_"How did you get here?"_

_"Hansol called me. He thinks you're having an episode. As your doctor, I need to be here to help you. Now, care to tell me what happened?"_

_"Wait, please have a seat. Is there anything you want to drink? Coke, or juice perhaps?" Soonyoung sat on the sofa in the living room._

_"That's so thoughtful of you, my favorite patient. I would like a can of beer now, but cola will do."_ He scanned the living room and he saw the computer, the disposable cups of coffee at its side, and the swivel chair. Jihoon then returned with a can of cola and two cans of beer. He handed the can of cola to Soonyoung and he opened one can of beer to drink for himself.

 _"Did you know that alcoholic beverages are depressants? While caffeine,"_ Soonyoung points at the empty cups of coffee, _"are stimulants. But that's not why I am here. Care to tell me what happened?"_

Jihoon took a sip from the can and shook his head. _"I don't know. It was like one moment I was having a good time because I think my compositions are on the role, and when Seungkwan came, i just felt irritated. I know Seungkwan could be annoying at times but that never made me feel this annoyed."_ He took a pause, and drank again. _"And after that I just found my self punching the wall and having an emotional breakdown. I-I don't know."_ And he drank again. _"I think I hurt Seungkwan's feelings. I hope he's alright."_ He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the other can of beer being opened. _"Hey! That's mine!"_ Soonyoung flashed a cheeky grin, eyes almost disappearing in the process. " _I think you've had enough for today, Mister Lee."_ Jihoon mumbled something along the lines of ' _whatever, it's not like I have low alcohol tolerance, anyway.'_

 

 

Or so he thought.

 

 

Fifteen minutes after, Jihoon was already very very _tipsy_. He was blabbering about his childhood and his friends, while his Psychiatrist watched him. Jihoon then grew tired, he just sat on the couch, his eyes droopy and his voice slurred. Soonyoung then took this opportunity to ask Jihoon.

 _"Lee, did you drink your meds?"_ Jihoon shook his head.

 _"Since when did you stop?"_ Soonyoung ask, voice as gentle and caring as he held one of Jihoon's hand and rubbed circles as a comforting gesture. He sighed in relief when he saw that there are ho scratches or wounds on the smaller's hands. Jihoon looked at the doctor, and looked at the ceiling. He then started counting with his other hand. He then raised four fingers to the doctor's face.

" _Four days?"_ Soonyoung asked for confirmation. Jihoon nodded and hummed as he smiled at the doctor.

" _Jihoonie, you know you're my favorite patient, right?"_ Jihoon looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, but nodded anyways. "And you know you can trust me, right?" Jihoon nodded once again. _"I will ask you something, okay? Why did you stop drinking your meds?"_ Jihoon crossed his arms, the crease on his forehead visible, lips formed in a pout. He then looked at the doctor and pointed his makeshift studio.

" _I had deadlines to beat. The medicine makes me sleepy~"_

" _But Jihoonie, sleep is important! You should sleep more!"_ Soonyoung scolded his patient, so he was surprised when he saw his patient stopping his self from laughing. "And what are you giggling about? I'm giving you a lecture here." The doctor said, he also found himself smiling at the guy next to him. " _Jihoonie_." Jihoon said giggling. Soonyoung looked at him with a confused look. Jihoon smiled and said, _"You didn't call me patient, or Lee, you called me Jihoonie. You called me Jihoonie twice."_

 

 

It was already 8pm when he got out of Jihoon's house. He left a note by the computer, and walked home with a smile on his face. His house is about five blocks away from here, but he didn't mind. His mind was still filled with the thoughts of his amusing friend. However, he remembered he needs to take care of his patient's needs. So he went home, dressed up, and went to the hospital once again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for double updates! Sorry for the delay luv u guyz plz bear wid me huhuhu


	6. Dosage and Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon, Soonyoung, and another character.

Jihoon miraculously woke up at 7am. He did have a slight headache, probably from the lack of sleep from the past few days, but aside from that, he's actually fine. He went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and made his way to his makeshift studio and sat in front his computer. He played a demo and cringed at it's shittiness. He made a mental note to do major revision on that one. He then noticed a yellow sticky note at the upper right corner of one of the monitors.

[ _DON'T FORGET!  
Jihoonie~ you have a check-up later at 2PM. I cleaned up after we drank last night. Don't forget to drink your meds, okay? See you later!_

_-Kwon Soonyoung_ ]

As if on cue, memories of last night flooded his head.

\--

_"Hey doc, Jihoonie is tired."_

_"And what should I do for you, my favorite patient?"_

_Jihoon's lips formed a pout again as he crossed his arms. A grin spread across his face. As if a brilliant idea came to mind._

_"Carry me to my room!"_

_"But you can still walk, silly." And Soonyoung flashed his famous eyesmile._

_"But Jihoonie is tiiiiirrreeeedd, please doc? I thought I'm your favorite?!"_

_Soonyoung sighed in defeat. He crouched in front of the smaller, his back facing Jihoon. "Hop on."_

_And Jihoon gladly did._

\--

That night, Soonyoung went back to the hospital to check the previous results of Jihoon's examinations. He checked every data available. He even went to Hansol's room to ask for the results and analysis of Jihoon's latest tests. Luckily, Hansol was on night shift. Soonyoung spent the night doing analysis on his patient's state of mind, and slept in the hospital's waiting room for on-duty doctors.

 

( _Hansol and Seungkwan didn't go to the movie night, but Seungkwan did call the host for that night's movie marathon that he and Jihoon won't make it. They stayed in their shared apartment as Hansol comforts his boyfriend who felt useless when he saw his friend in that state. They cuddled all night. As soon as Seungkwan fell asleep, he kissed his forehead and went to the hospital._ )

-

After reading the note and the brief flashback that went in his mind, he grabbed his phone and checked the messages.

_[Fr: Minghao]  
9:06PM_

_Hyung! Why didn't you come? I lost 10 dollars, deym. Be sure to come next time, okay?_

_[Fr:Jun Hyung]_   
_9:28PM_

_I don't mind losing a couple of dollars, as long as you come. I know you're busy, but I hope you can make it next time. Aigoo~ Jihoonie is pretty in demand huh? Take care of your health, okay?_

He smiled at the couple's text to him. He then blushed at the nickname Jun used. He remembered the doctor's face.

_[Fr: Joshua Hyung]_

_Seungkwan called. He said you can't come. He didn't come to, though. Good luck with your work, Jihoonie!_

_'Seriously, why are people calling me Jihoonie? Ugh'_ Jihoon blushes at the thought of his stunning Psychiatrist.

_[Fr:Seungkwan]  
9:37PM_

_Hyung, sorry if I'm much of a nagger friend. I'll try not to meddle into your life anymore. Sorry._

Jihoon felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he read this one. He was now completely awake, and was feeling like he was the worst friend ever. He felt like he should make up to the kid, but he didn't know how.

At 1:30PM, he started to commute to the hospital.

 

It was 1:45PM when Soonyoung heard a loud knock against the door of one of the hospital's waiting room. He rubbed his eyes, and walked towards the door. As soon as he opened it, he felt a newspaper roll hit against the top of his head.

" _Hey, Kwon. Someone is looking for you. He said he had a 2PM appointment with you. Seriously? When will you update your schedule?_ "

Soonyoung's eyes went wide, and ran past the familiar nurse. He went to the lobby and saw the familiar figure of his favorite patient.

_"Jihoonie! Just in time. Nurse Yoon, please assist my patient to the regular check-up, then to my office, I'll just grab something."_

_"Great! You ignored me earlier, and ask me a favor now. Seriously, Kwon. Update your schedule!"_

_"Sorry, Jeonghan. I'll update it soon. I swear!"_

_"Whatever."_ And the nurse turned to face Jihoon. _"Mister Lee, Am I right?"_ With an angelic face, he asked Jihoon. The man could only nod. _"This way, please. Sorry, but you'll have to wait for a bit. I hope you're fine with that."_

As fast as he can, Soonyoung went back to the waiting room, fixed his appearance, and grabbed everything he needed for today's check-up.

  
" _So, Jihoon. I checked your exams, and it showed that the first dosage was more suitable for you. So, I will prescribe the same dosage as before."_ Soonyoung said as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Jihoon nods.

_"So, I have a few questions to ask. How often do you have episodes? And what type of episodes do you often have?"_

Jihoon remained silent. He felt heat crawl up his cheeks, he then musters his courage to ask, " _Doc, what's an episode?_ "

_"Oh, sorry, my bad. Episodes are those times when you feel extreme emotions. It may be in forms of excessive happiness, excessive happiness, irritability, and sometimes high sex drive. To be considered an episode, it must last for a certain period of time. How often do you feel these?"_

" _W-Well, I was extremely irritable these past few days. There are in betweens when I'd feel very happy about what I wrote an composed, and I'd cry a lot, but last night was my worst."_ Jihoon said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

_"How often do you have episodes in a year?"_

_"Uhm. . . I'm not sure. Maybe less than four?"_

_"Uhuh. . . Aside from irritability and extreme happiness, what else?"_

_"Uhm.. Oh my gosh this is so embarrassing. Ugh."_

_"Come one, how could I make proper diagnosis. What else?"_

_"I. . . Uhh. . . There are times when I experience high sex. . . drive? And yea emotional breakdowns."_

_"Okay, given this, please drink your meds on time. . ."_

Jihoon was in the middle of admiring Soonyoung's professionalism, when a familiar nurse knocked on the door.

_"Sorry to interrupt, but what the heck, Kwon?!"_

Both Jihoon and Soonyoung were shocked by the sudden outburst of the nurse. Nurse Yoon approached Soonyoung and hit his head with a newspaper roll. Soonyoung covered his head with his hands to prevent being hit again.

" _I told you, update your schedule! Someone came here and told me he had a 3pm appointment with you! My gosh, Kwon!"_

" _Ow, that hurts! And who might that be?"_

_"He said his name is Kim Mingyu. He said he had a 3pm appointment today."_

_"Oh, yeah. He can't come tomorrow so he came today. Let him in!"_

_"Seriously? Ugh. Wait, let me fetch him for you."_

And Jeonghan left.

" _So, I believe this is where I take my leave?" Jihoon asked._

_"No, stay. You should meet this guy! I think you'll get along just well."_

_"Okay, if you insist."_

The next thing they knew, a tall, tanned guy entered the office.

" _Good day, Doc!_ "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the story still have a long way to go. Lol sorry for the short chap :(  
> Ps. Unedited  
> Pps. I'm contemplating whether I should write a short smut scene or something. Should I?


	7. Acquaintances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon, Soonyoung, and Mingyu goes on a short trip.

" _Oh, is he the other patient you've been talking about? Wow, I never thought he was exactly like you described. Woah."_

The man stood there, wide-eyed, as if he's seeing a ghost.

" _Thanks, Nurse Yoon. You may now take your leave._ " And the nurse did.

The tall man stared at Jihoon, looking shocked. Jihoon flashed a polite smile and nodded at the man.

" _Woah. Oh my gosh, Doc. Is he real?"_

Soonyoung chuckled and smiled at the tall man.

" _Kim Mingyu, his name is Lee Jihoon, and yes, he's real. I told you I wasn't lying."_

For some reason, Jihoon thought he won't get along well with that Mingyu guy.

 

\--

They now sat inside Soonyoung's car. All three of them. Soonyoung drove, Mingyu by the shotgun, and Jihoon at the back. Mingyu has been talking non-stop.

" _I can't believe it, doc. I thought you were crazy when you told me stories about that guy!"_ Soonyoung could let out a small smile. Jihoon was rather confused. He was wondering how he got stuck in such situation.

  
" _But doc, is he really grumpy? He looked so . . . cute."_

  
And Jihoon felt a nerve almost snapped inside him. Be he kept his composure. He wasn't able to prevent himself from shooting a death glare at the man's back, though

" _Oh my gosh, doc. He's scary."_ Mingyu said in a hushed voice. Soonyoung smiles. He then raises the volume of the speakers.

" _Oh my gosh! I love this song!"_

The rest of the car ride were composed of Jihoon giving death glares occasionally (okay, maybe not occasionally) to the guys in front, Mingyu singing to random songs at the top of his lung, and Soonyoung laughing at the two.

When the car stopped, Jihoon was silently thankful for he won't have to deal with Mingyu's noise. His eyes scanned the building in front of them.

It was an Orphanage.

Mingyu was so giddy. As soon as he opened the car door, he walked fast towards the orphanage's entrance and shouted, " _Hyungs, hurry!"_

When Soonyoung got out, Jihoon was thinking whether he wants to go out. When he made up his mind, the car door was already opened and he was welcomed by the doctor's warm smile.

" _Let's go?"_

_"Oh. . . Now, you're showing favoritism, Doc! Damn it you didn't have to rub it in my face."_

_"You shouldn't curse much, Mingyu. That's bad."_

Mingyu was in the middle of thinking of a great comeback for the doctor's response, but a women in her late 30s opened the door and spoke to them.

" _Good day. Oh! It's you, Soonyoungie! Oh! Who might these two boys be?"_

_"Auntie, why do you keep forgetting me? I'm Mingyu! Min-gyu!"_

_"I was joking, Mingyu. But who's the other guy? Care to introduce him to me?"_

_"Jihoonie, this is Auntie Haekyoung. She is one of the people who takes care of this orphanage. Auntie, this is our Jihoonie. Jihoonie, say hi!"_

_'Geez, I'm not three. For pete's sake, Kwon.'_ But Jihoon nodded his head and flashed a soft smile to the woman and bowed.

" _Auntie, how is Minwoo doing?"_

_"That kid's sick again. Aigoo~ it's starting to feel cold here, shall we get in?"_

Auntie opened the door and did a welcome gesture. The interior of the orphanage gave a very homey atmosphere.

" _Minwoo is in his room, you can go there if you want."_

 _"See ya later, doc! I must go to my favorite kid. You deal with your favorite patient, you biased doctor. Adios!"_ And Mingyu ran upstairs.

Jihoon was still clueless on what they're doing here, and Soonyoung noticed it.

" _So, you doing the usual, Soonyoungie?"_

_"Yes, auntie."_

_"Okay, I'll be heading to the Kitchen. Supper's about an hour from now. I must start preparing for everyone to have a decent meal. Don't worry, Rina and Sehan will help me. Why don't you give your friend a tour in our humble abode?"_

Soonyoung sighed. " _If you insist. Just call me if you need help, Okay? We'll be by the playground."_

The woman smiled and nodded. Soonyoung then lead the way.

  
They sat on the swings. Since it's almost winter, Jihoon felt the cold air blow against his face. At the sandbox, three kids were playing. Another group of kids stayed at the monkey bars. Even the seesaw was occupied. Lucky for them to be able to use the swings. The air is filled with the children's blissful laughters. Jihoon felt something on his shoulder only to see the doctor's coat on it. Before Jihoon could respond, the doctor spoke.

" _So, I brought you here to relax." Soonyoung started._

_"Why?"_

" _Because you could really use a breather. Truth be told, I didn't peg you as the type to be good with kids, but anyone would feel better if they're surrounded by a good environment. I brought Mingyu here too. It became a therapy of some sort for him. He's been looking after Minwoo for a month now._ "

" _I really am not good with kids, though. They're too excited over almost anything. But you're right, it's amusing to watch the kids."_ And Jihoon smiled while looking at the kids at the sandbox.

" _How often do you go here?"_ Jihoon asked.

" _Very often, I must say. At least once a month."_

_"How did you find this place?"_

" _I volunteered here. As a student, we were sent to all parts of Korea to do check-ups and do volunteer work. Communication skills are important on this field, y'know?"_ Soonyoung smiled. " _And I don't know why, but I kept coming back here. It's like I'm charmed by this place. Maybe it's because of the kids, maybe it's because of the scenery, but I kept coming back."_

" _Mingyu, how did you end up counseling him? How long have you been his doctor? Besides his noisy mouth, nothing seems wrong with him though."_

" _You're so mean, Jihoonie._ " The doctor looked at his eyes, then looked at the skies.

" _That guy, he works at a publishing firm."_ Jihoon then remembered his friend who also works there, but that's another story. Soonyoung, still looking up, reminisced how Mingyu became his patient.

" _Unlike you, it was me who found him. He was having a breakdown in the rest room of a cafe. He was a part-time worker there. I just happened to be there, gave him an advise, and recommended our hospital. He came to the hospital a week after that incident, a day after you found me."_ The doctor looked at Jihoon again. " _He has a severe case of clinical depression, and I am trying my best to help him. He does look happy, right? He's just like that. That's how he deals with it."_

 

Jihoon felt a wave of guilt wash over him again.

  
A few more minutes later, one of the kids stood up and went to Soonyoung. The child whispered something to his ear and handed him something. Soonyoung whispered something to the kid, too. The kid giggled and Soonyoung smiled at the child. The kid went back to playing with his friends. Soonyoung faced Jihoon and handed to him what the child gave him earlier.

  
It's a necklace with a seashell pendant. Jihoon stared at its beauty.

  
" _The kid asked me to give this to you. Auntie would bring the kids to the beach from time to time. And every time they do, Haneul would bring shells and turn them to pretty things. The kid got skills, huh."_

Jihoon felt better.

"Doc! It's time for dinner!" Mingyu said as he stood by the door and waves his hand towards the direction of the two.

Soonyoung stood up and looked at Jihoon. He offered his hand and said, " _Let's go?_ "

 

After they ate good food (thanks to Mingyu and Auntie's cooking skills. Yup, Mingyu can't help but lend a hand with preparing their dinner), they bid goodbye to the kids and to Auntie. They promised to be back again next week and went in Soonyoung's car. They stopped at Mingyu's house first to drop him off.

 

" _Thanks, doc! Bye Jihoon hyung!_ "

 

And the guy entered his house. Soonyoung told Jihoon to sit at the shotgun, which Jihoon complied to. " _Wow. He rarely calls me hyung. That guy._ " Soonyoung said with a smile. He then drove to Jihoon's place.

 

  
Maybe Jihoon was wrong, maybe he could get along with Mingyu if he tried.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update, guys! Sorry, it's still not edited. Is it too slow? 
> 
> Thank you for reading TT-TT


	8. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon comes back to the fancy restaurant with his Psychiatrist. His bestfriends does a surprise home visit.

December breeze started to fill the air. Christmas is around the corner, and Jihoon was doing gift shopping for his friends and the kids at the orphanage. It's becoming a habit now. At times his and Mingyu's check-up hours overlap, they would go to the orphanage to play with the kids and help Auntie. While walking, he saw something that caught his eye. I know what to give him now. And Jihoon smiles. He then entered the shop as if the weight of all the gifts he bought wasn't enough.

He didn't expect to finish shopping for everyone quickly. He regrets not bringing his car, but what's done is done. In the middle of walking among lots of people, a person bumped unto him, causing all the gifts to fall out of his grasp. The man bowed his head and asked for apology. The man then helped him carry his things as compensation for bumping to him. He also offered a lift.

" _You didn't have too, you know?"_

_"No, it's fine. I should've watched where I was going. Should we take a left here?"_

_"Yes. Thank you."_

The car stopped in front of his apartment.

" _Thank you, I really appreciated it. I'm Lee Jihoon, by the way._ " He then rummaged through his things, found his wallet, and gave the man his company card. The man smiled and did the same. Jihoon stared at the calling card that was given to him and smiled back at the man.

" _Well, see you around, Seungcheol._ "

And the man drove off.

 

Jihoon started wrapping the gifts as soon as he settled everything in his apartment. It was a tradition of some sort for him to wrap the gifts. He felt like it is another way of exerting something other than time and money for the person. Afterwards, neatly placed the gifts he prepared under the christmas tree in his living room. He can't help but be happy at the sight.

It was years ago since he last celebrated Christmas with other people. His friends are busy with their own agendas every Christmas. He spends it in his makeshift studio, editing what he can and preparing for another song for the coming year. There are times when his friends would drop off something for him and leave afterwards. He was fine with it, though. At least they'd remember me, he told himself. He does calls with his family back in busan, too. On rare occasions, his family would drive all the way to Seoul to see the youngest son of their family. His brother works in Seoul and in the music industry, too. But that man is busy with his own love and career life. He visits Jihoon every christmas and special occasions though.

In the middle of reminiscing, his phone beeps. ' _Who would text me at 6 pm, especially on a Saturday?'_

_New message!_  
[Fr: Soonyoungie]  
6:07PM

_Jihoon, do you still have medicine? Would you drop by my office to restock your meds?_

Jihoon facepalmed at the nickname. ' _Mingyu must've changed it, that kid._ ' He then tapped on his phone and started preparing to go to the doctor.

  
_New message!_  
[Fr: Jihoonie Smol bean]  
6:12PM

_Be there in a few._

  
At seven, he heard a knock from the door. He happily opened the door, but instead of his patient, he saw Nurse Yoon, and a roll of newspaper hit his head.

" _Alright, Nurse Yoon. I'll update my schedule! Stop hitting me! Ow!"_

_"I hope you do that as soon as possible. Mister Lee Jihoon is here by the way. I'll leave you two."_

And the Nurse gave way to Jihoon and started walking back to the lobby. Jihoon gave a curt nod to the Nurse and bowed at the doctor as well.

" _You're here! Sit now, sit. Wait, let me write a prescription and let's buy your meds."_ The doctor said. Jihoon looked confused, and he did the face. Soonyoung smiles and responds. " _I'm coming with you! Besides, we have somewhere to go to. Come on!"_

For the second time today, Jihoon didn't bring his car. He sat at the shotgun seat of Doctor Kwon's car. Jihoon found himself inside the familiar fancy restaurant. The same classical music can be heard.

" _Don't worry, it's my treat!_ "

The same waiter handed them the menu. He then initiated a small talk.

" _Doc! You're back with your boyfriend!_ " The waiter faces Jihoon. " _Hello, sir. I hope you and Doctor Kwon lasts forever, you two are a good match!"_

Before Jihoon could react, Soonyoung called the attention of the waiter and whispered something to his ears.

" _Oh, is that all? What about your food, doc?"_

_"We'll have chef's choice. Thank you."_

_"Okay, please wait for a few minutes. I'll be back with your food."_

Jihoon still feels his cheeks heat up. Soonyoung shot him a worried look, and checked Jihoon's temperature by placing his hand on Jihoon's forehead.

" _Are you sick? Are you feeling cold? Should we ask Chan to lower the aircon?_ " Jihoon shook his head before he replied, " _No, I'm okay._ "

Silence between the two arose. Jihoon then attempts to start a conversation.

" _So, how did you knew that waiter, Chan?_ "

" _Oh, are we talking about this again? I can't remember, probably in a bar or something."_

Jihoon only raised a brow.

" _I'm kidding. Chan came from Auntie's orphanage. He was one of my first patients as an intern. He was depressed about his mother leaving him there, so I counseled him. His mother came back for him, though. He works part time here, but he's currently on his last year in the Uni. He's such a hardworking kid."_ Soonyoung let out a proud smile. He then starts talking about the kids in the orphanage.

" _Haneul's got gifted hands. He is really handy to be with. . ."_

Soonyoung's talking was interrupted by Chan, who came back with a mariachi band following behind him. He faked a cough to catch their attention.

" _To Mister Lee Jihoon,_ " Jihoon shot Soonyoung a confused look, to which Soonyoung replied with an excited smile. " _Everyone in Ristorante de Bella wishes you a Happy Birthday!_ " And the band started playing. Even the customers clapped and sang along. When the band stopped playing, they greeted one last Happy Birthday and started to serve the food. Jihoon looked at Soonyoung.

" _I know it's already the first sunday of december, so sorry if it was more than a week late. Happy Birthday Jihoonie! Let's toast to more years!_ "

Jihoon had also forgotten that his birthday was last week. It's not like he celebrates it though. Nevertheless, he was so happy. _Belated happy birthday to me._

The car ride home was filled with chatters about different things, but Jihoon wouldn't want it any other way. When the car pulled over Jihoon's driveway, Soonyoung looked at Jihoon.

" _Jihoonie, I have a favor to ask of you._ " Jihoon was curious, what would it be?

" _Could you go to the Orphanage with Mingyu on Christmas day? I need to do something urgent out of town for a medical mission. I won't be back 'till the first week of January. Is it okay?_ "

Jihoon felt sad, but he smiled. " _Sure. I need to drop something off there anyways. I wouldn't mind._ "

" _Oh, and for your check-ups, you'll do regular medical checkups with nurse Yoon and neurological checkups with Doctor Chwe. The counselling will continue by the second week of January, okay? Don't miss me much!_ "

Jihoon waved his hand and bid good bye to the doctor. When he opened his apartment's door, the sight of his friends sprawled on his living room welcomed here. They are now watching a x-men film.

" _What are you guys doing here?"_

_"Post-birthday celebration-slash-movie night. You, my friend, are tonight's host."_ Seungkwan said.

" _How did you get in?_ " Jihoon asked, before he plopped himself on his sofa, just besides Jun and Minghao who were all lovey dovey.

" _Spare key under the flower pot, remember?"_

_"How did you know which flower pot? I have like less than twelve flower pots, you know."_

_"We didn't."_

Jihoon's eyes widened, he then went outside to look at his flowers. Good thing the pots were back to their previous position. He lets out a sigh of relief.

" _We put everything back to the way they were, don't worry._ " Jisoo said as he placed a hand on Jihoon's shoulder. They went back inside again.

" _Where's Wonwoo?"_

_"Wow, didn't knew you missed me that much._ " Wonwoo said as he entered Jihoon's front door.

" _How did you get in?"_

_"Door isn't locked. I brought spicy rice cakes._ " Jun stood up and carried the rice cakes to Jihoon's kitchen and placed them in a bowl.

" _Why were you so late, Woo?_ " Minghao asks.

" _Something came up with the publishing corp. I also bought food, so don't be mad at me."_

_"Hush! It's the part where they travel back in time!"_ Seungkwan cuts the, off.

" _Where's your boyfriend, Kwannie?_ "

" _Work_." Seungkwan replies shortly. He then pops another rice cake in his mouth. Everyone then watches the movie.

In the middle of the film, Wonwoo sits beside him and asks, " _Jihoon, why are there lots of gifts?_ "

" _I bought one for each of you, of course._ " Jihoon replies as he eats. Wonwoo looked so shocked.

" _But that's too many!_ "

" _I bought one for each of you, and for Seungkwan's boyfriend, for--_ ," Jihoon pauses, he was about to mention his doctor, but he remembered that his friends still doesn't know about his situation. He then thinks of an alternate name, " _Uhm_. . .  _my friend, and another friend, and the rest are for the kids in the orphanage._ "

" _Oh! You mean that man that went here the other week? The one with very chinky eyes?"_ Seungkwan says. He then covers his mouth. Jihoon shots Seungkwan a deadly glare, and the younger does an apologetic look.

" _Ooohhh is Jihoonie hiding something from us?"_

Jihoon just glared at everyone.

" _Wait, did you say kids and orphanage?_ " Jun asks.

Everyone's eyes widened in shock.

" _I told you, miracles do happen!_ " Seokmin said jokingly and he faced Jisoo and did a sign of the cross. Jisoo just shook his head.

" _Wow, Jihoonie is doing a charity work, huh? And how did you find that orphanage?_ " Jun states.

" _And since when did you start liking kids, huh?_ " Minghao asks the follow-up question.

" _I just go there with friends. That's all."_

_"Ohhh. . . Someone's being a good influence to our friend. Who might that be?"_ Seokmin says in a playful tone.

" _Why don't we celebrate Christmas at that orphanage, sounds like a plan, huh."_ Jisoo suggests.

"It's actually not a bad idea. You okay with it, Minghao?" Jun turns to his lover.

" _Yup. Sounds good."_

_"Yeah, I'll bring Hansol along. This'll be fun!"_

_"Uhm, sorry guys. I can't come, I think there will be lots of people there, you know how I can't handle a crowd larger than ten people."_ Wonwoo says as he rubs the back of his neck. Seokmin then hugs him.

" _It's okay, we understand. We'll just drop by your place first before we go to the orphanage, Wonu-goon."_

Seungkwan stands up and claps his hand twice.

" _It's time for gifts!_ "

When the squad left his house at 11pm, he started unwrapping the gifts given to him. When it was Seungkwan's gift he was about to open, he saw a note.

  
_To: Hoonie hyung_

_Sorry if we weren't able to celebrate your birthday on time. We didn't greet you on purpose, though. I hope you liked our small celebration. Sorry if I was being that much of a nagger friend. I wish you could tell us what you've been going through. We're your friends, so please share us your pain. Don't worry, I didn't tell anyone about what happened to you. We can wait, hyung. We can listen._

_Love,  
Seungkwan_

_Ps. I don't exactly like that chinky eyed man, but he was there for you, so I hope he'd take care of you. Tell the gang about him soon, okay? <3_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -unedited-


	9. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas at Auntie's place (aka the orphanage) with the gang.

 

It was December 24, and the gang was hanging out at Wonwoo's place.

" _You sure you won't come, Wonwoo?"_

_"I-I don't know, I mean, you know me guys."_

_"But there won't be much people, just us and my other friend, the caretakers of the orphanage, and the kids though._ " Jihoon says.

" _Woah, that's a lot. I can't, guys_."

The next thing they knew, Jihoon sat beside Wonwoo inside Jisoo's mini van as they drove to the orphanage. Jihoon kept glancing at his phone from time to time. The doctor hasn't sent a text since he left. He hates to admit it, but he misses the doctor's presence.

The ride to the orphanage was just how everyone predicted. Wonwoo was very anxious. Since Hansol was driving, Seungkwan sat at the shotgun seat. Seungkwan and Seokmin are acting like they're DJs and managed the playlist. They'd fight over which song to play from time to time, though. Jisoo beside Seokmin, his head leaning against the younger's shoulders. He was tired from his work that day, so it was no surprise that he fell asleep. Wonwoo sat between the sleeping Jisoo and the spacing out Jihoon. Hansol puts the van to a halt, and Seungkwan speaks up.

" _Good evening, passengers of minivan 001, we have arrived at our destination."_

 

 

Soonyoung stood in the middle of the living room of the house he is staying at at Aleppo. He kept walking in circles. Jeonghan stands in front of him and hits him with a newspaper.

" _Quit moving around, you're making me dizzy!"_

Soonyoung rubs his head with his palm before he mutters a sorry. The telecommunications towers in the country are still damages, so Soonyoung can't send or receive messages. He then walks to the balcony, heaves a sigh, and looks at the sky.

" _Merry Christmas, Jihoonie. Merry Christmas Auntie and the Kids, Merry Christmas Mingyu."_

 

 

  
When Jihoon rang the doorbell, he was not surprised when his friend opened the door. Mingyu stood there, wearing an apron and holding a ladle.

" _Oh, Jihoon hyung! Are these your friends? Come in!"_

Jihoon did a brief introduction and they started carrying whatever they had inside the orphanage. After a few moments, Mingyu nudges Jihoon's side with his elbow. Jihoon shot him a glare, and gave him a questioning look. Mingyu then whispers to his ears, " _Hyung, why is that hyung,_ " Mingyu pauses and gestures to Wonwoo by leaning his head towards Wonwoo's direction, " _is so quiet, he seems uncomfortable. Is he okay?"_ Jihoon looks at Wonwoo and sighs.

" _He's uncomfortable with lots of people. Can you introduce him to the kids? He's **very** shy."_

Mingyu nods hesitantly, and walks towards Wonwoo's direction.

 

  
The clock strikes twelve, and everyone gathers by the Christmas tree. Jihoon and Mingyu started distributing gifts to the kids. After the kids, Jihoon started giving the gifts he bought. His friends gave him gifts, too. He handed his gift to Auntie and bowed. Mingyu also gave him a gift, and he was surprised by the gesture. He then gives him the gift he prepared for Mingyu. After all the gift-related commotions, they started eating.

Jihoon stared at the only gift left untouched in his bag. He decides to leave it be for now, and he types a message to the recipient of the gift. He then runs to the dining table and starts eating with the kids and his friends.

  
Since it was already two in the morning, Auntie offers a vacant room for them to sleep in tonight. Because everyone is tired, they agreed and started preparing to sleep.

  
They left after having breakfast with the kids. Jihoon goes home, but he still hasn't received any messages from the doctor. He frowns, but shrugs it off. He decided today would be his lazy day, and he slept almost all through out the day.

  
[ _Fr: Smol Bean <3]  
2:30AM_

_Merry Christmas, Doctor Kwon Soonyoung. Thank you._

  
Soonyoung smiles. Finally, the reception is getting better. He decides to write a reply.

[ _To: Smol Bean <3]_

_Thanks. You too! Don't forget to drink your meds. i'll be back soon!_

 

He then decides to hit the hay. As he sleeps, a notification shows up in his phone.

 

[ _Message not Sent! Try again?]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chap. Merry Christmas!  
> Ps. Unedited lol


	10. Drunk

_Mental disorders shouldn't be romanticized, for even feelings can't cure it._

  
Jihoon knows it too well. He shouldn't have liked the doctor that much. He shouldn't have created an unofficial attachment with the man, so he wouldn't feel hurt when the man vanishes to thin air without contacting him for weeks. He knew it was wrong. But he knows it's worse to fuck with a man he met just last month just because he was very frustrated (sexually and not) and he longed for the doctor's attention. So when he wakes up in his room beside a naked man, he scolds his drunk self. He knows that the doctor won't be jealous if he did that, and he wouldn't gain much from it, so why did he do it?

  
_It was during New Year's eve. The gang decided to go to a bar to celebrate the year. Jihoon is having an episode. But instead of avoiding depressants, he downed them like there is no tomorrow. He was now dancing on the dance floor when he spots a familiar face in the crowd._

_"Hello, Seungcheol. Wow, I didn't expect to see you here."_

_"Hello to you too, Mister Lee." The man says. Jihoon cringes at the name used to address him. It reminded him of the hospital, and a certain doctor. He shrugs and talks. "Just call me Jihoon." The man nods politely. They were by the bar. A person passed by, accidentally bumping unto Jihoon's back, causing Jihoon to fall face first on to the man he is talking to. The man reeked of alcohol and smoke. He remembered how his doctor smelled nothing like this. He smelled like sanitizers, alcohol, with a tinge of a manly perfume's scent. Seungcheol smelled so manly though. His gaze shifts from Seungcheol's chest to his jawline, 'till his gaze met with Seungcheol's. Seungcheol smirks._

_"Enjoying the view, Jihoonie?" Seungcheol confidently says. Jihoon was taken aback by the nickname, it was what his doctor used. Before he knew it, he and Seungcheol are now kissing, bodies pressed to close to each other. Jihoon was the one who pulls back from the kiss. He then walks to the dance floor and looks at Seungcheol seductively. After a few minutes, Seungcheol's clothed crotch now grinds against Jihoon's clothed ass._

_  
Jihoon knew this was wrong. Everything reminded him of the Psychiatrist. Every time he remembers him, an image flashes in his mind. Sometimes his smile, his jawline, his glasses, or just the doctor standing, his back facing Jihoon._

_  
He shouldn't do it, but his frustration is too much for him. The thought of the doctor's sexy back while wearing a lab gown didn't help, either._

_One thing lead to another, and before he could stop himself, he was now making out with Seungcheol in his car. The kisses they shared were messy and sloppy, kissy noises filled the car. They stopped for a while, and Seungcheol starts driving. He'd stop from time to time because drunk, impulsive Jihoon squeezes his thighs and thought it was a good idea to give a hand job to a driving person. Seungcheol would leave hickeys on Jihoon's neck and collarbone every time they'd break a kiss. Jihoon's got skilled hands. Good thing Seungcheol could still park his car properly whenever Jihoon decides to pump his dick._

_When they entered Jihoon's apartment, his legs wrapped around Seungcheol's waist and Seungcheol's strong arms held him tightly as they made out some more. Jihoon's judgement was very cloudy, but he knew that he is in a very bad situation. He is about to get fucked by this very hot guy, but his Psychiatrist's features that pops in his head is what turns him on. For a minute, he felt sorry for Seungcheol because everything is just wrong. He wants to stop, but he can't. His urges are way over the top now, and there's just no turning back now._

_  
Jihoon laid on the bed. The other man places his legs between Jihoon's and initiates another make out session. They kissed sloppily as their dicks grind against each other. Jihoon and Seungcheol moans from the pleasure. Seungcheol speaks in between their kisses. "Lube. . . Ugh. . . Where d-did you put it? Ugh, god Jihoon. . . You're driving me crazy."_

_Jihoon gestures to his bedside table. He places both his hands against the sides of Seungcheol's face and pulls him in for a very deep kiss. Seungcheol's hand search the drawer while the other hand travelled from Jihoon's jawline down to the man's bare chest. He then grabs hold of the lube, so he pulls back from the kiss. The hand that went to Jihoon's chest made its way back to the younger's cheeks. Seungcheol kisses him and stops the kiss by making Jihoon suck on his thumb instead. The smaller gladly complies. Seungcheol watched as Jihoon skillfully sucked his thumb. He then adds his pointer finger and slowly moved it in and out of Jihoon's small mouth. Saliva drips from the corner of Jihoon's lips as his tongue played with Seungcheol's fingers. Seungcheol held Jihoon's tongue and pulled it out with his thumb and index finger. Jihoon looked like a panting dog, a very hot panting dog. Jihoon's eyes are now filled with lust._

_"My fingers are already wet, I guess I won't be needing this." Seungcheol said as he threw the lube somewhere in the room. He then makes Jihoon sit on his lap as he faces him. They kissed as Jihoon grinds his ass against Seungcheol's hard on. Seungcheol pulls away and makes Jihoon suck his middle finger. He'd slowly pull it in and out of Jihoon's mouth. He then removes it and ordered Jihoon to be on fours. Jihoon does as he's told. Without any warning, Seungcheol inserts two fingers. Jihoon moans, his hands clawing the bed sheet. Seungcheol was so turned on, he fastens the pace and adds another finger. The lack of lubrication causes pain for Jihoon, but he loved it. Seungcheol waited until it was Jihoon who fucks himself on his fingers when he decides to pull it out. Jihoon buries his face in his pillow as Seungcheol fucked him raw on all fours. Seungcheol was gifted with dick size, but it wasn't enough to make him forget about his doctor. As Seungcheol thrusts to him, he kept moaning Soonyoung's name. Seungcheol wasn't able to comprehend it though. He was too drunk and too sexually frustrated to care. Besides, the pillow made it harder to understand what Jihoon was saying. Seungcheol cums after Jihoon, and his body collapses besides Jihoon's small body. It didn't even took them ten minutes and they are now soundly asleep._

  
Jihoon regrets every second of it. Especially when he saw his Doctor in his room, luggages left outside his door, looking at him with an unidentified expression. He sits up, covers his body with a blanket, but he couldn't talk. Seungcheol then wakes up to a very awkward situation. The doctor smiles at them, tells Jihoon that he'll have his check-up today instead, and walks out of the door. Jihoon may have not noticed it, but Seungcheol swore he saw a hurt expression when he looked at the guy's eyes.

 

Seungcheol dresses up afterwards, and bids his farewell to Jihoon. Jihoon nods, and lets him head his way. Jihoon enters his room and looks at it. By the foot of the bed, the unused lube and his sweater was placed. The room smelled like sex, too. He felt too embarrassed. He doesn't want to see the doctor today, but his check-up couldn't wait. He is also running out of meds, so meeting the doctor would be inevitable. Jihoon then checks his phone.

  
_53 New Messages!_

_43 From: Doctor Kwon_  
3 From: Joshua Hyung  
5 From: Seungkwan  
1 From: Minghao  
1 From: Jun

 

Soonyoung texted Jihoon everyday, but Jihoon never received it. Maybe it's because the telecommunication towers in the place where they volunteered were down, so when they finished a week earlier than expected, he felt very thankful. When he arrived at Korea, the first thing he did was to go to Jihoon's apartment and thank him personally for going to the orphanage.

 

He wanted to surprise his favorite patient, but he got surprised instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I tried TT^TT
> 
> Ps. Unedited 
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEEEAAARRRR


	11. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soonyoung is confused, but Jihoon has never been this sure.

 

Jihoon sat by Seungkwan's bed. Wonwoo and Minghao was there too. Jihoon covers his face with a pillow and screams. Wonwoo, being the most supportive person alive, hits the back of Jihoon's head with another pillow. Jihoon shrieks in pain and shot Wonwoo a death glare. Wonwoo just gave him a challenging look. Just as they were about to start a pillow fight, Seungkwan walks between the two and faces Jihoon. Jihoon and Wonwoo shared mischievous grins then looked at Seungkwan. A few moments later, the room was filled with the sound of Seungkwan's high pitch screams as he tried to save himself from Jihoon and Wonwoo. Minghao laughs at their childishness.

When they calm down, Seungkwan lie down on the floor with Jihoon at his left and Wonwoo at his right. Minghao grins and lies down on the bodies of the three person on the ground. Minghao earned playful punches and was pushed at Jihoon's left. They all laughed. When the laughter dies, Seungkwan closes his eyes and starts talking.

" _Speak up, Jihoon hyung."_

Jihoon froze for a moment. He swore he heard Seungkwan smirk. Seungkwan turns to face Jihoon.

" _C'mon, hyung. I've known you for years! Tell us, what's wrong?"_

Wonwoo peeks from Seungkwans shoulder as he held unto it for support.

" _Is there something you'd like to share?_ " Wonwoo says. Care was evident in his voice. Minghao played with Jihoon's hair as an assuring gesture. Jihoon sighs and sits up straight. The three other sat and formed a small circle. They looked like teenage girls on a sleepover or something. Jihoon heaves another sigh before he speaks up.

" _So, there was this guy. . ."_

" _A guy?"_ The three repeated in different tones. One was shocked, the other was playful, one was in a very interested tune.

" _Yeah, a guy. The thing is, I like him. . . A lot."_

Seungkwan lets out a girly squeal, Minghao giggles. Wonwoo looks at him and motioned him to go on.

" _I really like him, but. . ."_

" _But?_ " The three said in unison once again.

" _You see. . . He may or may not have seenmeafterIhadsexwiththisguyImetlastmonth._ " And Jihoon breathes.

" _Woah_." Was all Minghao could say. Seungkwan and Wonwoo both looked shocked. Seungkwan lifts his hand as if telling everyone to stop and speaks up.

" _Wait, you mean to tell me that the guy saw you after you had sex? How is that a problem? It's not like he saw you having sex or something."_ Seungkwan gets hit by Wonwoo.

" _Language, Kwan. We have a child here._ " And Wonwoo motions to Minghao. Minghao looked offended but didn't argue.

" _The thing is, he saw me and the guy on my bed. . . Both of us were naked._ " Jihoon says and buries his face on the pillow he held.

" _Wow, you really are screwed, hyung._ " Minghao says.

" _Wait, what's the issue there? How did he enter your room anyways?_ " Seungkwan asks.

Jihoon inhales a deep breath and looks at his friends. He figured that now is the right time to tell them.

" _Guys, I have a confession to make."_

The three looked at him with utmost curiosity. Jihoon musters his courage and speaks ip.

" _I have bipolar disorder, and I may or may not have developed a liking to my Psychiatrist."_

Jihoon closed his eyes, he didn't want to see the look on their faces. He was expecting for harsh words because he didn't told them beforehand or anything along those lines, or words of disgust. He waited, but he found himself being enveloped in a group hug. Jihoon felt tears stream down his face, he has never felt this happy.

After their short drama, Jihoon turns to Wonwoo and asks, " _Why didn't you look shocked when I confessed?_ " Wonwoo shrugs before he answers, " _Mingyu may or may not have told me last night_." Jihoon says some curse words for Mingyu and makes a mental note to kill him next time. Seungkwan didn't miss the chance for a good gossip and turned to ask intriguing questions about Wonwoo and Mingyu. Wonwoo could only blush as Minghao laughs at them while still hugging onto Jihoon. They kept chatting until it was almost time for Jihoon's check-up. He doesn't want to come, but his friends insisted he should. He was too embarrassed but goes anyway.

  
Soonyoung sat on his swivel chair inside his office as he stared at the window. He was too engulfed with watching the skies that he didn't notice a familiar nurse enter his room. He only knew the nurse was there when a newspaper roll hit his head. Soonyoung groaned in pain and rubs his head. He looks at the nurse that looked at him with raised brow. Soonyoung sighs.

" _Nurse Yoon, I updated my schedule! Why did you hit me?"_

The familiar nurse sat comfortably on the couch and smiles.

" _You looked out of it, Kwon. Are you okay?"_

Soonyoung smiles. " _I'm just a little confuse, hyung."_

Jeonghan looked at him with questioning looks. Soonyoung sighs.

" _What would you feel if you saw your favorite patient in bed with some random stranger?"_

Jeonghan furrows his brows and thinks. " _I don't know, nothing? Maybe a little proud coz the boy finally got laid or something. I mean, even if he's your patient, I only meet him for professional work-- WAIT are you. . . jealous?_ " And the nurse gives her a teasing smile. Soonyoung stood up quickly and frantically waved his hands. " _It's not like that! I mean I just met him and I may or may not have missed him during our stay in Aleppo, and coffee reminded me of him, and. . . Uhm, he's my patient?"_

Nurse Yoon stands up and looks at Soonyoung. " _Wow, you sure are whipped. Man, you should start knowing your feelings. Your too gay. Bye!_ " And the nurse leaves the door open to annoy Soonyoung more. It worked though. With an annoyed face, Soonyoung walks to the door and slams it shut.

  
\--

Jihoon now sat on a chair in front of the familiar wooden desk. The doctor sat on the other side of the desk, eyeing his results. Awkwardness fills the air, but the doctor tries to keep himself as professional as he can be. Both of them are cautious with every word they say.

_"So, you were having those episodes. Have you been drinking your meds?"_ Soonyoung asks. He shifts his gaze to Jihoon's face. Jihoon stared at the floor as he nodded.

 

_"I suggest you lessen your alcohol intake, Mister Lee. Those depressants can counter the effect of your medicine. You should watch your caffeine intake too."_ Jihoon doesn't know if it's just his imagination, but Soonyoung's voice was filled with care. Jihoon liked it, the warm voice. He listened to what the doctor said and the atmosphere somehow started to be less awkward.

 

  
At the end of the day, Jihoon walks out of the office, hiding his feelings for the particular man who may or may not to be doing the same.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chap huhuhu


	12. Seen

It has been a month after the doctor came back. They were now less awkward, and they've been coming to the orphanage every now and then.

 

Jihoon was feeling rather blissful today. The latest song he produced was a total hit, thus inspiring him to write more songs. While producers get little to no recognition from the listeners, they still fell delighted every time their songs make it to the top of the charts. Jihoon feels proud for what he wrote, and he was thankful to the performers who made his song a hit. He was now finishing the demo of a new single for the group. It was a thank you track for their fans.

Jihoon pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose and gets the mug of coffee from the desk. After a few more tweaks with the audio of the song, he decides that it's now good. He takes a sip from the mug and finishes what ever coffee remained there. He gives a contented sigh and contemplates about getting another cup of coffee, but he remembers his doctors advice. He shrugs, he was too lazy to leave his seat anyway. He was going to make his friends, Seungkwan and Seokmin, sing for the demo of this track, but his friends were busy. He decides he should start with recording his voice so he could submit the demo cd as soon as possible.

He sets up the mic and starts warming up his voice. He imagines how he wants this song to be sang. He turns on the audio, the upbeat music started filling his ears. He closes his eyes and feels the tempo. He then starts singing to the beat.

" _Don't stop this healing. . ."_

And he sang his heart out. He had a soft spot for this particular song, he wrote it with the thought of his doctor. He was thankful that he was getting better, but after the six months was over, what will happen to him and to his doctor? He admits it. He admitted to himself and to his friends that he has developed certain feelings for the man. He is getting better, and he was thankful. But he somehow hoped that this healing won't end.

 

He finished singing the song. As soon as he removes his headphones, he hears someone clapping. He turns his head to the door's direction and sees his doctor.

" _Wow. You've got a nice voice, Jihoonie. That was great!"_

Jihoon stared at the man with a shock expression. He suddenly felt embarrassed. Only few of his friends knew that he can sing, he was even offered an album and contract for a demo he submitted. He can sing, he has quite the looks, and he writes his own song. It was quite a snatch for the company, but Jihoon didn't want to get involved in the limelight that way (and partly because he thinks his friends would do better than him) and politely rejected the offers. So when he saw his doctor, looking good in a white v-neck with a leather jacket and ripped jeans that claps his hand and praised him while singing a song he wrote with the doctor on his mind, his ears go red in embarrassment.

Soonyoung smiles. He stared at Jihoon's face. He wore this round glasses that looked awfully good on him. His hair is now brown and curly. He wore an oversized sweater with sleeves that covered his hands. Something inside Soonyoung stirred at the thought of Jihoon wearing another man's (Aka the man Jihoon fucked with aka Choi Seungcheol) clothes, but he decided to push the thoughts away. Jihoon's ears were red, and Soonyoung finds it adorable. Soonyoung's gaze shifts to the empty mug beside Jihoon and he raises a brow.

" _Jihoon, how many cups of coffee did you drink today?"_

Jihoon felt a lump in his throat. He gulps and looks at the doctor. He looked like a dog caught tearing off their sofa. Jihoon answers.

" _Two?"_

Soonyoung crosses his arms, his brow still raised.

" _Okay, maybe three._ "

Soonyoung stared at him while lightly tapping his foot against the tiled floors of Jihoon's apartment. Jihoon sighs in defeat.

_"Fine, it was four. I thought of getting another cup but I remembered your advise so I stopped. That was it, I swear!"_

Soonyoung stares at Jihoon, Jihoon does the same. Soonyoung sighs.

" _Okay, at least you're improving."_ Soonyoung smiles. A question pops into Jihoon's mind.

" _How do you enter my house, anyway? How did you even know where I live?"_

Memories of when the doctor entered his house unannounced flashed in Jihoon's mind. First was when he had an episode, second was after he and Seungcheol did whatever they did (he also had an episode that time), and now. His ears turns redder by the second memory, but he maintains a blank stare. Soonyoung smiles at him.

" _First, your house is like two to three blocks away from mine. Second, your address was written in your hospital profile. Third, I don't know why but every time I go here, your door was always unlocked. And for the record, I always knocked before I enter your house._ "

Soonyoung's smile didn't leave his face. It's now his turn to ask.

_"Since you aren't going to sleep anytime soon, considering how much coffee you drank, would you like to go to a late night screening with me? I promise to take you home. Please?"_

And who was Jihoon to reject the man with that beautiful smile? He sighs in defeat. He looks at Soonyoung and removes his glasses.

" _Okay, but we should get back before 1AM? Let me get changed."_

Jihoon enters his room to get a change of clothes and comes out after what felt like an hour to Soonyoung. Jihoon grabs a snapback by the clothes hanger and turns to Soonyoung.

" _Let's get going, shall we?"_

Soonyoung smiles and starts walking outside the door where Jihoon stands.

  
Jihoon doesn't know why he agreed. The next thing he knew, he sat in an almost empty theater (not really, almost half of the theater was occupied with people), watching some gore horror story while wearing 3D glasses with Soonyoung who was calmly eating popcorn as if no monster ripped the body of one of the secondary characters.

It was cold, and Jihoon was thankful for the blanket the theater provided. The story was reaching its climax, and before he knew it, the ugly face of the killer was on the screen, eyes red and wide, blood dripping from the corners of its mouth as it smiled with the most psychotic expression Jihoon has ever seen. Jihoon jumps in fright. Screams were heard in the cinema. Soonyoung turns to face Jihoon and gives him a sly grin. Jihoon looks at him with a slightly offended look before he threw a popcorn to Soonyoung's face. Soonyoung grins and does the same. They did it until no popcorn was left. They tried to stifle their laughters because of how horrible each other looked, popcorn and cheese powder sticking to their hair and various parts of their faces. Soonyoung's white shirt is white shirt no more.

When the movie ended, Soonyoung stretches his arms and smiles in content. Jihoon playfully hits his arm.

" _Why a horror movie at this ungodly hour?"_

Soonyoung gives him a mischievous grin.

" _Why? Is Jihoonie scared?"_

Jihoon just crossed his arms and started walking. Soonyoung catches up to him and starts talking.

" _The cinema is an interesting place. You can see various expression on people's faces. It was a good place to practice people reading." I wasn't able to see other people, though. I only looked at you throughout the film._

The thought remained unsaid. Soonyoung smiles and offers Jihoon a ride home. Jihoon was too tired to argue, so he lets his doctor do as he pleases.

Jihoon comes home with a smile on his face. He walks to his living area and sees the small box neatly wrapped in a beautiful wrap. Jihoon smiles and makes a mental note to give it to Soonyoung the next time they meet.

 

  
He was planning to do that, but the next time they saw each other was when Jihoon was on the way home as he passed by the park near his home, right after a beautiful girl with sexy body plants a forceful kiss unto Soonyoung's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be doing slow updates from now on forgive me :(


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